twilight sucks
by Trouble4eva
Summary: top 10 reasons, in detail, why i thinktwilight sucks! flames welcome. please review


**1. Twilight Has Little To NO Plot.**

Twilight lacks a consistently well rounded plot and what 'plot' it does have is poorly slopped together and covered in clichés. You could say there is a plot in there..._somewhere_...but there's only one, and there are barely any subplots either. And for those that do pop up, they are then quickly dropped and/or forgotten by the writer. Stephanie Meyer lacks the ability, planning, and forethought to think ahead and finish everything she starts. There are plenty of little subplots that pop up and make some of the readers go, "HMM!!!" so you hang in there, wondering how it'll develop...and then after 400+ pages and three more books you realize...you've been punked. If that wasn't bad enough, when she actually does have enough brain cells colliding with each other to spark an intelligent thought bubble she then has the audacity to backpedal and completely rewrite already established subplots which in turn completely contradict with previous chapters or books. CONSISTENCY WOMAN! LEARN IT!

**2. Stephanie Meyer Rapes Her Own Characters.**

Stephanie Meyer, crappy writer that she is, doesn't understand the importance of building a three dimensional character. Which, you know, is hilarious because in all her interviews and speeches she always brags about how her CHARACTERS drive the story and how they're the most important people ever! So you would think—okay she sucks at establishing an original thought or actual plot but maybe she can really churn out some unique and strong characters (strong as in; they have a strong impact on the reader, not strong as in they can HULK SMASH TYLER'S VAN!). But no, of course, she sucks at that too. She establishes your basic cookie-cutter characters. You've got your Mary sue (and by default Gary stu). You then have your cardboard cutouts simply placed and only existing to benefit the lead character (Bella) to help answer her questions and nudge her in the right direction (a cheap copout most amateur writers take when they aren't creative enough to drive the story themselves) not to mention all the other favorites like the evil blonde bitch, the brute, the shy quiet one (ohhh still waters run deep LE GASP!), the noble family man, etc.

They all come off like they're ordered off a menu. And then, when Meyer ACTUALLY attempts to allow her characters to evolve (if THAT'S what she calls it...) all the characters jump out of their skin and do a complete turnaround. Reading it, I honestly thought they were possessed because how she went about introducing these 'new developments' were so poorly done I figured something had to be controlling these people for them to be acting so out of character. The most important ones off the top of my head that completely make you go WOW WOW WOW WTF?! HOLD IT RIGHT THAR MISSEH! Happen to be Jacob who is turned into a cuddly pedophile and Rosalie who's turned into a bitter sweet attempted baby snatcher.

Let's not even get started with the lead characters, Bella and Edward. Unless you know, you want my head to explode DX.

**3. Being Clumsy Is Not A Character Flaw.**

Bella is perfect, but no wait...Stephanie Meyer didn't want her to be no Mary sue! So she gave her a blaring character flaw...or at least what she intended to be a character flaw which clearly...is not. That is, being horribly clumsy. But this is NOT a flaw seeing as whenever Bella actually takes a nose dive or does something obnoxiously klutzy it's seen as an endearing act, more so a positive trait than a blaring fault.

To make matters worse, her clumsy antics actually act as a device to give Edward even more opportunities to swoop in and act as Bella's knight in shining—I mean *ahem*—sparkling armor. I MEAN REALLY?!?!? COME ON!

**4. Twilight Is Poorly Written.**

Many have claimed it reads like fanfiction, and the sad truth is...it does. Aside from being constantly showered with Mary sue babblings you're forced to struggle with poor writing, blatant grammatical errors, poor sentence structure, and the mother load of them all...thesaurus rape.

Twilight is 400+ pages of flowery prose regurgitated onto every page by our special little snowflake of a lead heroin; Bella. She spends the entire book reassuring us that yes, Edward is so fucking hot your eyes will bleed if you stare at his dazzling beauty for too long. She then tries to save this redundant piece of fluff by injecting your 'villain of the week' variety of INTENSE ACTION SUSPENSE GO! That is commonly seen in Saturday morning cartoons geared towards six year olds. All this mayhem is quickly avoided just in time for prom! How bloody !

**5. Twilight Is A Pile Of Repetitive Fluff.**

There's no denying Twilight is horribly repetitive. It's as if Stephanie Meyer assumes all her readers have the attention span of a yippy chihuahua and that the reader has to constantly be reminded just how hot Edward is and that seems to be the only apparent reason the fans hang in there for that long. There's no 'plot' development to speak of, no underlying suspense, no revelations, no character growth, nope...all we get for 3/4ths of the book is the assurance that Eddie poo is the hottest man alive and whatever anti climactic shit the lead endures it's all totally worth it just to live another day to gaze upon that incandescent chest and those marble smooth biceps. Oo la la.

**6. Stephanie Meyer Loves To Tell, Hardly Ever Does She 'Show'...**

Stephanie Meyer bluntly tells us what is going on instead of just showing us, entrusting us to use our brain to figure it out for ourselves. However I don't assume she does this because she believes the majority of her readers are too dense to interpret events and actions on their own instead I personally believe this is just one of her many amateur mistakes when 'writing'.

She has no problem telling us Bella is smart, that Bella can do this and this, That Bella enjoys doing this and this, but NEVER does she actually show us that she does these things. Never once do we actually see Bella doing or saying something smart that isn't ripped out of last week's class assignment. Never once do we see her delving into a good book, we're told these things have occurred but never once are we shown. The narrator is biased, sure Bella claims to do these things and to embody certain traits and abilities but she never once takes advantage of these attributes she so loves to brag about. Is there something in the water of Forks that turns its citizens into helpless, brainless, drones?

**7. Stephanie Meyer Can't Write Worth A Damn.**

(This applies not only to the Twilight series but The Host and her short story in Prom Nights From Hell as well.)

I'm sorry, but it's true. She can type, sure. I don't deny this. But can she write? Write in the sense that she has some shred of talent or grasp on how to rightfully portray a story. The answer is simply, no...no she does NOT.

Even with an editor her books—all four of them—are plagued with grammatical errors. In an attempt to sound intelligent as a writer AND to make her lead character appear smart, wise, and ahead of her generation; she—without a shred of dignity—rapes the thesaurus like there's no tomorrow.

Sometimes, less is more. A concept Meyer has failed to comprehend. Fattening up your book with a chain of redundant adjectives only hurts you in the long run. Not only does she use a fluffy adjective followed by a handful of its synonyms before getting to the point but in some cases she ties together certain adjectives that actually contradict each other or cancel each other out.

To a devote Twihard, those fancy words make them feel smart and convinced that because they don't understand what half the words mean but can only guess by their context (in most cases, these flowery words are commonly misused or misplaced) that Meyer is actually a genius. That she is the epitome of a talented writer.

If you've taken high school English, you should acknowledge the complete opposite and facepalm yourself till you're red in the face.

Meyer can jot down a fantasy, but there's a difference from etching down your wet dreams and actually TELLING A STORY. She lacks talent and a purpose. She has no concept of writing structure, certain story elements that accomplish certain aspects of storytelling that should be used at any given time to portray a certain feeling or event. There is no depth in her books, writing, or story. Because of this Stephen King couldn't have said it any better, "Stephenie Meyer [just] can't write worth a darn."

**8. Stephanie Meyer Does Not Have The Mentality Of a TRUE Writer.**

S Meyer has the mentality of a sheltered and coddled infant. Even now, being placed on the Best Seller's List for AGES, being praised for her books worldwide, and having a movie franchise causing a huge uproar among the masses Stephanie Meyer still lacks the ability to act accordingly.

A writer should strive to grow and learn, never do they stop improving their work—this is probably one of many reasons why it normally takes the average writer six months to two years to complete just ONE book. Instead S Meyer believes she's mastered it all, she shows no signs of improvement or willingness to hone her 'skills'. Because of this she lacks the capacity to not only acknowledge criticism but to learn from it and grow from it. Most writers STRIVE for criticism, the harsher and more honest the better. Most writers WANT to be the best and never—no matter what—do they ever think they're the best because assuming such would be blatantly childish, naive, and arrogant.

Because Stephanie Meyer can't accept criticism she is then led to throw a tantrum and act like a spoiled brat. She goes into the fetal position whenever something turns ugly. When her books were leaked she cried buckets of sobbing tears and refused to continue writing. Although this would be a wonderful thing it was highly unprofessional and insulting to other writers in the business who take their jobs more seriously.

She doesn't respect her fans, she doesn't respect her profession, she doesn't respect the art of literature, she doesn't respect the English language, and she doesn't respect constructive criticism—one of the most important tools a writer could ever have is honest feedback. Having a swarm of cheerleaders is a great ego booster but it doesn't help you...and too much of it can severely cripple you. Stephanie Meyer is a perfect example of just that.

**9. Twilight Fails At Attempted Symbolism.**

The marketing team at Little Brown realized one crucial thing about Twilight, there is NO depth to the books WHAT-SO-EVER. Because of this they tried to slap on a half-assed attempt towards symbolism, a false notion that Twilight actually has some...meaning...or purpose. Which Stephanie Meyer many a time has denied at book signings confessing that Twilight is meant to be a light read (despite its size), that you really shouldn't think too much about it, and that it's basically just fun and pointless mind candy. Stephanie Meyer, I couldn't agree more.

In the first book—Twilight—they went with a cover image of two pale hands clasping an apple. This image was interpreted to supposedly represent the 'forbidden fruit'. This is further instilled onto us with the quote in the beginning of the book referencing a passage in the bible.

There is no 'forbidden fruit' in Twilight, however. There is no forbidden love. Besides childish jealousy that is easily thwarted there is nothing and no one refusing Bella and Edward to be together besides well...Edward. And that's because he's a brooding drama queen.

They inevitably do end up together, no surprise there. And really, even with the Volturi, there is no fighting or actual sacrifice made by either of the two lead characters to hold on to their 'love'. The only 'suffering' they do endure they brought onto themselves and are not brought on by outside forces.

They were and are their own biggest enemies and that doesn't really say much, they both act like immature brats who constantly make a big deal out of nothing. Which you know, any teenager is bound to do every now and again. I'm sure Bella would act the same over Edward leaving as she would if Charlie took away her internet or if Tyler accidently smashed her iPod.

**10. What Exactly Does Edward Look Like Again...?**

You know it's funny I actually have to ask this but seriously, what _does_ Edward look like again? Sure we get that he's hot but the attractiveness of anyone is subjective. Bella thinks he's hot, but we don't actually get much description of how he really looks aside from his cliché Fabio appearance minus the tan and long flowing hair that was _sooo_ 80s!

All we're given when it comes to actual descriptive elements is that he's pale, slim but ripped, and has a dirty ginger mop. That hardly narrows it down.

Despite the constant obsession with his biceps and pecks that's all we get, a slight step up from a helpless old lady describing her--albeit fit--purse snatcher who just pranced off through the park with her bus money and denture's case.

Never once are we given a clear image of his actual facial features besides vague references to what Stephanie Meyer assumed to be pleasingly manly adjectives that are constantly changing throughout each chapter.

This is probably the main reason why the fangirls screamed in agony whenever the official casting list was released for Twilight. They were all unanimously displeased with who the casting director(s) chose because to them he looked nothing like their angst ridden Eddipoo because Edward's description was ever changing and incredibly vague to the point where everyone just assumed his actual appearance was just their interpretation of the hottest man ever to exist on the face of the planet which (surprise, surprise!) differs from one drooling fangirl to the next.

these examples are proof enough that twilight...well...sucks.


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